I Thought I Lost You Somewhere
by Smurf Cat
Summary: Malik and Marik are unknowing to the other's feelings of one another. Angst fills their lives and one night they confess to one another. MalikMarik please read and reveiw!


Hi! This fic is really angsty! Songfic to Here is Gone by the Goo Goo Dolls!  
  
Alex: oh yeah!   
  
Malik; I want to give the disclaimer! Smurf Cat dose not own Golden Sun!   
  
Wrong disclaimer!  
  
Malik; what?  
  
Alex; I'll do it! Smurf Cat dose not own Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Malik; she don't own the Goo Goo Dolls either!  
  
*twitch* you don't have to rub it in!  
  
Malik: sorry…  
  
~@~@~@~@~@~@~  
  
-You and I got something, but it's all and then it's nothing to me-  
  
Malik sighed as he looked back on his memories. They were all dreary and full of hate, all because of his yami. At one point, Marik had even acted like he wanted to have Malik around. Everything was so confusing. Malik knew that he could hardly trust his yami, but whenever he looked into his other's eyes, he would almost always change his mind. He wanted someone to love, someone to hold. He knew that it was wrong, but he still wanted his yami. Sometimes Marik would act like he wanted the same, only for their love to become nothing the next morning.  
  
It seemed as though Malik was on an emotional roller coaster. First he would be happy, and then dread would overtake him as Marik turned his back on him. This was awful. He really did care, but why couldn't Marik see that? Marik, Malik knew, had to have emotions other than hate somewhere in his heart…or did Marik even have a heart? Malik didn't know.   
  
-And I got my defenses when it comes to your intentions for me-  
  
Yes, there were times when Malik didn't want his yami around. He had his defenses though. Whenever he didn't want his yami, he would oppress him by keeping Rishid and Ishizu around. He would block off all communication with him at times. Marik would tempt him and chase him until Malik was sore, not only in body, but emotion as well. He didn't understand why things had to be this way. All he wanted was to be left alone in the darkness and slowly let it take him away, Marik wouldn't let it however. He really did care for his hikari even if he never showed it, but sometimes he showed it so much that Malik came to the point of tears and rejected the world for all it was worth. He just wouldn't care anymore.   
  
-And we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we could be-  
  
Then there were the times that Malik and Marik had gone to far, touched too long. Then there were times when if Malik looked into Marik's eyes long enough, he'd see things that he never imagined that Marik could be; lust, attraction…love. It scared Malik more than anything had ever scared him before and scarred his heart to think about it. He no longer felt the will to go on after his yami did such things, but Marik made him go on. He shouldered the blame and it always brought the hikari out of darkness and back into light.   
  
He wondered if it was right that he should be in love with his yami, then again, he'd never heard any rules against it. He was confused and whenever Ishizu or Rishid tried to help, he'd shun them. He hated being helped and yet it was what everyone wanted to do for him. He sighed as a tear streaked down his face. He was alone…for now. He wanted to be left alone in his small corner of the tomb that he had grow up in and had learned to despise so much.   
  
-I'm not the one who broke you, I'm not the one you should fear-  
  
And then Marik appeared beside him. Malik turned his head away. He did not wish for anything to happen between them for the moment. He wanted solitude. True solitude was always better than feeling alone in a group.   
  
"Why do you flee from me?" came Marik's voice. It was soft and low with a hint of sadness in it. Malik didn't turn around, in fact, he said nothing, but only looked down at the soft fabric of his bed with sad eyes as they dripped pools of water, making the sheets dark with water where the tears fell.   
  
Marik set a hand on Malik's shoulder. This was meant to comfort him, but to no avail. Malik turned and glared at his yami with his tear-stained face. He knew that he was broken, no, he knew that he broken and he wanted to be broken. Somehow, there is a cruel sort of pleasure in sadness as though your tears are taking away all of the life that you hate. Right now, Malik hated all life.   
  
It was Marik that broke the silence. "I'm not the one who broke you, Malik. You know who it was; it was you. You undid yourself. You willed yourself to break. Why won't you remove the chains that you yourself set upon you? Why must I suffer with your sorrows?"   
  
Again Malik was silent, but then he spoke, softly at first, then he felt as though he could shout, "I'll tell you why." He choked out. "It's because of you, so stop blaming me."  
  
-What do you got to move you darling-  
  
"Malik," Marik began again. "Only you can release yourself. You don't act like you have, but I can see it in your eyes, you want to live, as if some cruel pleasure is keeping you here. What is your motivation? What's keeping you? If you were to give up, I would pass on as well and that would be alright because you are the only one that I have to live for. I care about you enough to keep you here, but somehow, you keep yourself here."  
  
"You're the reason." Malik choked though tears as he fell into his yami's arms. He always loved it here. He felt safe, as if the world couldn't hurt him.   
  
-I thought I lost you somewhere, But you were never really ever there at all-  
  
"I don't want to lose you." Said Marik in an unsteady voice that sounded almost as if his voice would break under the weight of suppressed tears.   
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Malik as he hugged closer to his Yami so that he would fell more secure. Marik clung to him, unwilling to let go, as if something would happen if he did.   
  
"You." Answered the shaken yami. "You've lost your will to live."  
  
"It may seem that way," began Malik and he could see a flicker of what dared to be hope in Marik's eyes. "But I've never considered it. I want to stay here, with you. I won't give up if you don't give you don't give up."   
  
"So then…"   
  
"Yes, Marik, you're what's keeping me going. I…I do care."   
  
-And I want to get free. Talk to me. I can feel you falling-  
  
"Marik," Malik began again. "I want to be free. I want to leave this nightmare behind. I want to start anew."   
  
"And I want the same." Said his yami in a low whisper as he held Malik closer, laying gentle kisses on the top of his hikari's head. Slowly, Marik released the hold on Malik. Malik clung to him, but Marik pushed him away. "I want to ask you something." He said as he looked down into lavender eyes.   
  
"Yes?" answered Malik.  
  
"Am I what you want to be free of?"   
  
Malik turned away. "At first…yes, but not now." He once again fell into his yami's arms.   
  
"I don't want to burden you. I can feel it with each passing day, you're falling. Why won't you let me lift you again?"  
  
-And I wanted to be all you need. Somehow here is gone-  
  
Malik was silent. He wanted to be there for his yami, but he still had his own faults to deal with. He supposed that his yami was right, he was falling further everyday. He looked up. "I only want to be all that you need. I try not to worry about myself."  
  
Marik took Malik's chin in his hand, bringing him forward to the point where Malik could feel Marik's warm breath on his lips. "And yet…, I feel the same." With that, Marik moved his lips downward to kiss Malik, nipping at his lower lip somewhat. Malik kissed back. He wanted to be here now, but in only a moment, Marik had disappeared and Malik fell down onto his bead and lay in the darkness once more.   
  
-I have no solution to the sound of this pollution in me-  
  
Malik had no explanation for why his yami would leave him, but it must have been for his love. Marik was always like that and Malik doubted that he would ever understand him. He recalled that he had once told Ishizu about him, but that was when he had hated his yami. Now things were different. He recalled that he wasn't able to explain him then, and now was no different.   
  
It wasn't that Malik wanted to be able to explain his yami; it was that he wanted to be able to defend him without confessing his love. Ishizu would say it was wrong. Even though he had always looked up to his sister, she could never know about this. Malik sat in his room for nearly an hour while contemplating his thoughts.   
  
-And I was not the answer, so forget you ever thought it was me-  
  
It was moments later that Marik returned. "Why did you leave me?" asked Malik softly as he looked over at his yami.   
  
Marik looked back at him. "I felt like being alone."   
  
"Why?" was Malik's soft answer. His voice sounded like that of an angel's to Marik.  
  
"Just because."   
  
"That's not an answer." Malik's voice remained steady and soft.   
  
"Just trust me." Said his yami before pressing his lips softly to Malik's. Malik wouldn't let this opportunity pass him by. He kissed back with as much passion as Marik. He could feel the warmth of Marik's mouth on his tongue as he delved deeper with his yami. Then he pulled back. He felt as though he was going too far and became scared once again.   
  
-I'm not the one who broke you, I'm not the one you should fear-  
  
Again, Marik looked into his hikari's eyes to see his emotion. Malik had never been good at hiding them. They remained looking at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Marik broke the silence. "Why?"  
  
Malik knew what Marik meant. He also knew that Marik already knew what his answer would be. It was as if he wanted Malik to swallow his pride and give into him. After a moment of silence, he spoke, "you know why."  
  
"I want to hear you tell me again." Said Marik seductively into Malik's ear. He could feel the heat of Marik's breath and it was driving him over the edge.   
  
"Marik, I'm not sure about this… I'm scared." This was not the answer that the yami had expected.   
  
He moved back a little and looked into Malik eyes with a sincere look on his face. "I'm not the one who broke you, so why am I the one that you fear?"  
  
-What do you got to move you darling-  
  
"Because of the past." Malik confessed. "You hated me."   
  
"I don't do things the way I used to."  
  
"Yes, but the memory still lives on. You never really act like you're sorry." Malik broke into tears.   
  
"I'm sorry now." Marik hugged Malik close to him and let the smaller boy cry on his shoulder. It was his only whim that he should comfort him. He had found a new love.   
  
-I thought I lost you somewhere, But you were never really ever there at all-  
  
"Marik," Malik whimpered. "When you were in your soul room…were you considering leaving?"   
  
"It crossed my mind." Answered Marik. "But then I thought of you. You acted as though you wanted me to stay."  
  
"I do want you to stay."  
  
"And I want to stay here with you." Said Marik, wrapping his arms around his hikari's waist.   
  
-And I want to get free. Talk to me. I can feel you falling-  
  
They lay there in silence as Marik laid soft kisses on his hikari's head. Malik was silent; he gave no protest. He wanted this. He didn't want Marik to leave. Not after all that they had been through. Even if most of it had been endured hatred, Malik was still in love. He never wanted this moment to end.   
  
-And I wanted to be all you need. Somehow here is gone-  
  
Marik felt the same. For the first time in his life, he could love. This was a new emotion to him. He only wanted to care for Malik. They had both been going through tough times, but now that they had been able to talk, it all seemed different. Their bond had strengthened. Marik would never let Malik go. Not now, not ever. They were two halves of a whole. He was yami and Malik was hikari.   
  
-And I don't need the fallout of all the past that's here between us-  
  
Neither Malik nor Marik would let their past interfere. They had shown each other too mush to have it all thrown away. Nothing stood in front of them now. Nothing would block their way. There was no turning back. It was either give all or nothing.   
  
Malik looked up at Marik as he wiped the tears from his face. "Marik, do you really want to be with me?"  
  
"yes." He answered. "We are one in the same."  
  
"What difference dose that make?" Malik asked.  
  
"I will be able to be with you always."  
  
-And I'm not holding on, and all your lies weren't enough to keep me here-  
  
"You're not lying." Said Malik as if he was astonished at something Marik had said.  
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"Your lies would never be enough to keep me, but now that your truth shows through, I see a different you. I feel like I can trust you now." Malik's voice was gentle as he said this. He slowly reached down and slipped a hand into Marik's.   
  
-And I want to get free. Talk to me. I can feel you falling-  
  
"What will happen to one of us if the other leaves?" asked Malik.   
  
"I don't know, but I hope that day never comes." Answered his yami.   
  
"I don't want that day to come." Said Malik as he leaned forward and kissed his yami.   
  
-I know it's out there, I know it's out there. I can feel you falling, I know it's out there, I know it's out there. Somehow here is gone-   
  
"I love you, Marik." Said Malik at last.   
  
"And I love you, Malik." He answered. "I promise never to leave you."   
  
At last all of Malik fears were vanquished. They were gone. He had a guardian angel now. Marik was his angel and he loved him.   
  
~@~@~@~@~@~  
  
What do you think?  
  
Malik; *cries* that was so sad.   
  
Alex: not as sad as Shattered Faith! I died!   
  
Malik: so? I was depressed!  
  
Alex; that's nothing! My true love had to bury me!   
  
Alex and Malik; *arguing about the sadness of their fics*  
  
*sigh* REVIEW! 


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